Eye to Eye

Last week I wrote about the effects my cell phone has on me. This week, continuing to draw from my pastor’s wisdom, I want to provoke your thoughts regarding how our cell phones affect other people.

We’ve always lived in a world of distractions—the rooster crows, the baby cries, the phone rings, the car breaks down… Distractions have changed, though, since the advent of the smart phone. First of all, that handy little pad is always there. It’s myriad of sounds and flashes pull us out of thought, work, or conversation. Worse yet, even when our phones are silent, they implicitly call to us with a waiting world of information and entertainment. The statistics regarding how often we access are phone are staggering. You can take a look at a few of them here: how often do we touch our phones – Bing. I hope they don’t apply to you, or to me, yet…

• Some of us text while driving, or at least take a call while behind the wheel. That takes our minds off the road. The National Safety Council says, “There’s no save level of distracted driving.”^[1]
• We go to the park with our kids, or dinner with someone important to us, and we can’t seem to keep our phones in our pockets for the duration. What does this say to those we love? (Remember, a couple of decades ago, whoever was trying to reach us managed to survive without us until we got home.)
• Our minds get clogged with information about things that really don’t matter. (Who was that actor? What was that score? Have I seen the latest video by…) Then we fail to focus on the importance of someone else’s need or request. Could it be we even pray a lot less with all that trivia swirling through our thoughts?

Judgement Free Zone

I joined a group of women for coffee this morning. We were there to share our lives, our needs, our gifts and our prayers. The woman who brought us together had posted a sign on the wall that read “Judgement Free Zone.” (And one that said, “’Fix-It’ Free Zone” too, but that will have to wait for another day.)

Do you ever feel like the Lord is poking on you? Well, that sign was one more way he used to tell me I need to work on my awful tendency toward judgement. All of life should be a judgement free zone! Still, I struggle to ignore those nitpicky little notions that pop into my head when I see someone doing life wrong (aka not MY way). I’d like to share a few quotes that help me steer clear of judgmental muck and mire. Actually, the first should be enough for us all.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Jesus in Matthew 7:1-2).

“Give people room to be human.” (Joel Osteen)

“Carry a shield. And treat others as if they don’t.” (Rachelle Gardner)

Carry a shield? Yes, indeed! Since, sadly, we don’t live in a judgement free world, we’ve all got to be wary of allowing the judgment of others to wound us or, worse yet, to dissuade us from following the path we believe the Lord has laid out for us. While we are surely called to serve one another, we aren’t necessarily called to please one another.

Truth be told, though, the person on whom I often exact the toughest judgement is myself. I read these wise words a few nights ago:

“Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love.”

And how do we handle our fiery self-judgement when we’ve absolutely made a wrong choice? Here’s what my pastor says:

“Religion says, ‘I messed up. My dad is gonna kill me.’ The Gospel says, ‘I messed up. I need to call my dad.’”  (Ky Faciane)

Anytime we make the mistake of judging ourselves harshly, the best and only answer is to go back to our Lord, confident that he still loves us and can cover all our misdeeds. ‘Same goes for the misdeeds we see going on in other people’s lives. We can and ought to pray. Sometimes we may be called to counsel. But I’m ready to start building more judgement free zones. Join me, won’t you?!?

Grandchildren and Puppy Dogs

One of my favorite words is “Nana” or, to be more specific “Nana!!!!” That’s the way my grandchildren say it. I have two who are old enough to talk. Every time they see me, they call out my name as if we’ve been apart for months (even though they live just two doors down.) Unless there’s a fence between us when we catch each other’s eyes, they’ll usually start running for me at full tilt. (And, yes, “Pop” gets the same treatment.)

When did we adults stop greeting one another with unbridled enthusiasm?

No, I’m not suggesting we start yelling and running, but why don’t we exude great joy when we meet one another? There’s no need to reserve such delight for those we haven’t seen in ages. We have it in our power to convey a sense of love, acceptance and importance to those we greet. It only takes a little bit of extra effort.

Steve used to tell our kids that a person’s name is the sweetest word anyone will ever hear. I don’t think that’s about ego. It’s about connection. I challenge you today to expand your “Hi, how are you?” to include a name, a buoyancy of voice, and a hug or handshake whenever appropriate. We never know who needs that sort of encouragement on a given day, so why not be prolific in our affection?

In the marketplace or office, we often deny one another the simple human touch of eye contact—reviewing our lists or sending out texts as the checker, bagger, waiter and courier take care of their responsibilities. We really do have the few extra seconds it takes to treat them like people instead of machines. (And many of them are wearing nametags—another opportunity!)

Even puppy dogs know how to make us feel important by the way they greet us. Surely we can all do a better job than our pets! So, how about it? Are your ready to make a difference every day, just by changing the way you say “Hello”? I hope so. It’s a simple way to follow our Lord’s command to love one another. Try it out! And let me know how it goes.

The Snapping Duck

Nick is a pro at feeding goats at petting zoos. Flat hand. Bravery. Gentle goats. No problem. Ducks are a different deal, as he discovered, and he can demonstrate the proper feeding technique now—throw the food. And if you ask him what happens when you do it the wrong way, he will stick out his index finger and say “Hurt you!” He wasn’t really injured and recovered quickly. The whole thing got me to thinking, though.

Nick learned—the hard way—that he can’t treat all animals the same way, even when he’s trying to be kind to them. Don’t we need to learn the same lesson when it comes to how we treat other people? Most parents would be quick to tell us how they have to take each child’s needs and characteristics into consideration as they relate to them each day. Surely adults aren’t any different.

But we live in a rushed society, and one-size-fits-all is faster. Today I’m trying to internalize the lesson I learned from the ducks and the goats, and from Nick. Look before you leap—or feed, or speak or…Take time to look people in the eye and listen to their voices and to assess who they are and what they need. Then respond, sometimes slowly. Some people need advice. Others need a listening ear, or silent companionship, or a true promise of prayer coverage, or a simple meal…But we don’t all need the same thing.

And a corollary lesson for me: Sometimes, if I get it wrong, perhaps by moving too fast or making an assumption too quickly, I’ll get snapped at. That duck was just doing what it thought it needed to do to eat, to survive if I stretch this analogy a bit. And so, when the response I receive isn’t the response I expect or think I deserve, well, maybe I can learn to take that in stride as I slow down and try to see the “snapper’s” point of view.

So, back to the Bible we go again: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another…” So many ways to do that! May God bless your efforts today.

 

Photo by Annie Spratt via unsplash.com.

Police and Paramedics

We are plugged into a church, and a Sunday school class to boot! I know some of you have been praying for Steve and me during this time of settling in, so thank you very much.

Here’s a catchy but convicting quote I heard last Sunday. “We often find too many police and not enough paramedics in the church.”

Huh? Allow me to explain. The lesson was on the importance of peace within the church. We can be so quick to quarrel, to forget that we are all children of our Lord and called to serve him together. Sometimes we even wrap our petty gripes in that thinly veiled phrase, “We need to pray about so-and-so.” This week’s lesson was filled with flipping, with turning from one convicting Bible verse to another, all pleading with us to stop our fussing. It’s that odd quote, though, that stuck with me.

Police: When called to the scene of a crime, it’s their job to find out who is wrong, who is the culprit, who fell out of line. Is there an arrest to be made? Potential punishment to be planned?

Paramedics: When called into service, it’s their job to look for who is hurt, who might need their life-saving attention. Where can they administer help and healing?

Now let’s take another look at that quote: “We often find too many police—the accusers, the ones looking for offense—and not enough paramedics—those waiting for a chance to bind wounds and bring comfort—in the church.”

The church, of course, doesn’t mean the church building. It means all those who call themselves a part of the community of believers. It’s time for us all to ask ourselves: Are we police or paramedics? Yes, perhaps we need both, but most of us would do well to focus on bringing peace and healing, overlooking the offenses so often of little true consequence.

Challenged? Yep, me too. But before I close, allow me to point out two favorite hymns shared by readers who missed my original deadline:

“Fairest Lord Jesus” also known as “Beautiful Savior” ends with this verse:

Beautiful Savior! Lord of all the nations!

Son of God and Son of Man!

Glory and honor, praise, adoration,

Now and forever more be Thine.

And

“Because He Lives,” by Bill and Gloria Gaither.

You can listen to that one here:

The Relational Ride (or iPhone Alternatives for a Great Family Vacation)

Your family + nineteen hours in the car. A blessing or a great big bother?

Attitude is everything, so they say. My friend Karen has a terrific outlook on spending hours upon hours in the car with her kids. Since summer is coming, I asked permission to share her wisdom with my readers. So, if you’re a parent planning a summer road trip with your kids, this blog’s for you. (If you’re not in that category, perhaps you can share it with someone else who needs it.)

Pray. Pray before you even start your engine. Begin by seeing your road trip as a blessed opportunity to spend uninterrupted quality time together with your family. You have a captive audience. Take advantage of the situation! Talk. Laugh. Bond.

Break it up. Use rest areas as a chance to toss a ball, run a race, or take a hike for 15 minutes or so. Little bodies weren’t made to sit indefinitely. (Frankly, neither were adult bodies. Steve and I are much happier travelers if we move around every couple of hours.)

Pack their bags. Give each child an individual bag with a few travel treats: favorite snacks, sugarless gum, a new book, an activity book, crayons, paper, stickers, or small toys. Don’t let personal electronics eat up too much of the trip. Those little battery powered boxes will draw each person into a world of their own, putting an end to relationship building. That might be fine for a little while, but resist the temptation to let “screens” become the norm.

Prepare to be entertained. Look for activities the whole family can enjoy together: audio books, read aloud books, Mad Libs Junior, trivia games, or Twenty Questions. Again, try to keep the movies to a minimum. Remember, this is a time to be together!

Teach appreciation. In Karen’s words, “I always encourage the boys to look outside and see what’s different or beautiful about the current surroundings.  We take note of sunsets and rainbows, wildlife and mountains and lakes.”

Thanks, Karen, for your great advice. Now, how about the rest of you? How do you turn long hours on the road into something memorable and fun?